Family Crisis and Process to Handle it
You may be happy with your honey, but the happiest of couples can argue over money. Financial issues are one of the most cited causes of conflicts in a marriage, and financial problems, including debt and disagreement about money management, are among the top issues in divorce as well.
Merging your life, including your financial life, with someone else’s can be challenging, but setting up a solid financial plan early in marriage can help preserve harmony and nip money conflicts in the bud. Data from recent study shows at least one-third of couples disagree about money at least once a month on topics including savings and discretionary spending.
Fortunately, today’s technology offers new options to help couples navigate shared and individual finances. More couples now maintain separate bank accounts instead of, or in addition to, joint accounts, and the latest banking apps offer flexibility, security, and ease of use.
Similarly, I believe that a family crisis has a way of either bringing family members closer together or fragmenting relationships. There appears to be no middle ground. When a loved one is ill or dies, do the children and relatives rally around each other, or do they hold grudges, fight and feud?
Emotional intensity during a family trauma can open up wounds experienced by those involved. All of the unresolved family baggage has a way of reappearing and rears its ugly head. The added stress of grief and loss can create reactivity that makes it difficult for caretakers to communicate effectively with one another.
Instead of working in harmony during a stressful crisis, the family may engage in disputes over medical treatment, medical decisions, issues of control over caretaking, financial implications, and the manner of managing grief and loss. Being at odds with one another during a period of crisis only compounds the magnitude of the problem.
A family crisis can be caused by many things. A job that was thought to be secure can be lost. Sickness and accidents can happen. An older parent can require care. Lots of things can happen that are beyond your control, and certainly not your fault, but that can put you in a financial bind.
A decrease in income has the same effect as an increase in out-go. There is the inevitable shortfall. Maybe the shortfall is temporary and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel and you really can't say just how long this financial crisis is going to last.
What you can do to get yourself and your family through a really rough spot financially will depend greatly upon how you have handled your finances before. If you have always paid your bills on time and in full each and every month you will find that your creditors are going to be more than willing to work with you and actually help you survive your crisis.
The first thing to do is to contact each creditor yourself. This should preferably be done before the first payment is late. Explain the situation and you will likely find that your creditors will allow you to just make interest payments only and that it will not do any harm to your credit score. This is the first and best option.
Family members need to learn to set their differences aside for the well-being of all concerned. Difficult family stressors are painful enough without events being exacerbated by caretakers who choose to let their resentments affect their decision-making and support.
These suggestions may help guide you during your time of crisis, grief and loss:
- Focus your attention on the family member who is ill or has died.
- Learn to experience your grief appropriately, through sharing, crying, seeking support from others, and re-focusing on positive memories.
- Set up a family meeting with all the concerned caretakers and discuss plans and decisions to be made. Make a pact to stay committed to working through the stressful event without personal issues interfering.
- Use this time to forgive one another. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in managing stress and grief.
- Bring out the best in one another by sharing your emotional pain openly.
- Delegate responsibilities for caretaking.
- Plan ahead - make sure that all legal matters are in order including a living will and trust that is specific in nature.
- Fighting over heirlooms is a waste of valuable energy - material things are insignificant compared to the value of our closest relationships. Don't let feuding over objects ruin a relationship. It's not worth it. People are more important that things.
Seek the assistance hospital social workers, and other supportive agencies to assist the family.
Maintaining harmony during a family crisis is difficult. However, family members who work together as a team can support and help everyone navigate difficult times.
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